It’s been happening for months now. Ever since the weather got even the tiniest bit warm, and people began wearing shorts, many men in my neighborhood began to go insane.
For some reason, they think this means it’s time for them to go jogging with no shirts on.
I know that guys must think it’s pretty great to be able to strip down and feel cooler. But unless you are gracing billboards sans shirt in Times Square, modeling some sort of underwear, or are considered one of the 50 Most Beautiful People, you probably aren’t making a good choice.
In other words – put your dang shirts back on!
I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time. When I’m out and about, I see lots of people jogging. Now that it’s about 7,000 degrees outside, I think they’re a little off anyway (ever hear of something called heatstroke people?!). The point is that some men think that the heat is a great excuse to go topless.
Let me be the first to tell you that you are wrong. Really, really wrong.
Before you shirtless ones get all defensive and make comments about how not-perfect my body is, let me head you off at the pass–I know. I’m fully aware of this. That’s why I’m exercising at home and not running through the streets in a string bikini.
That would be wrong. Very, very wrong.
So why do these guys do it? I think part of it has to do with them being totally oblivious of how they look.
For example, a man can say, “Yup, I wear the same size pants that I wore in college.”
Uh, yeah, except the only reason that’s possible is because some men tend to just pull their belts up under their newly developed beer bellies. So of course the part that’s below said belt is still the same size as it was in college.
Recently, though, I’ve noticed that the shirtless joggers have taken everything one step further – now they’re not even bringing shirts with them.
See, these guys used to at least start jogging while wearing shirts. Then, they got hot, and took them off. You could tell because they would be carrying them while they ran.
I guess they discovered that this extra weight of the shirt was creating wind resistance or something, and they ditched them to get more speed.
Or, they just got lazy.
Or, they think they are really hot and are somehow gypping the whole world if we don’t get to see them without shirts.
The thing is, it’s not like a shirt is making them so much hotter. I actually remember one thing I learned in high school chemistry (Sister Bernard Helene would be very proud, considering that my chemical experiments often ended up with yellow glop burned forever onto the bottom of a beaker, causing her to bring it into class the next day screeching, “Whose is this?” That’s where I first learned to slink down in my seat. But I digress…). Here it is: evaporation is a cooling process.
Do you know what that means, oh shirtless ones? It means that when you sweat because you’re running in weather that is making most of us gasp, pant, and drink gallons of water a day, the sweat evaporates and cools you off.
Amazing how the human body works, isn’t it?
I am concerned that these guys will soon be taking it to the next step–no pants. I don’t mean that they’ll be out running in the all together. I mean that they will shun pants for, are you ready for this? Tiny Speedos.
Shudder…I can’t even think about.
Because unlike jogging without shirts, which is really, really wrong, jogging in Speedos would be really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wrong.
Really…
Michele Wojciechowski, when she’s desperately trying to get the images of men jogging in Speedos out of her head, writes Wojo’s World™ from Baltimore.