As I’ve written in years past, my husband and I receive over 100 catalogues each holiday season.
You read that right—over 100.
I don’t know why we get so many because we order from very few of them. But I’m guessing that they buy lists from other companies of folks to mail to hoping against hope that we will buy from them as well.
What I tend to do with them is look through a few to write my annual Guide to Gifts you Need to Get…or Not.
Sometimes I think the gifts are cool and sometimes I don’t. Use your own judgment.
Bacon
I’ll admit it; I like bacon.
But I must not like it as much as some people.
If you have a bacon lover on your list of folks to buy for this Christmas, fear not. There are tons of bacon-related items practically everywhere.
You can buy bacon scarfs, bacon ornaments, bacon T-shirts, bacon-flavored popcorn (gag!), books about bacon, bacon pillows, bacon blankets, bacon bandages…
Get the picture?
I think, though, that I’ve found the most ridiculous bacon-related gift. It’s called “bacon spread.”
But when I read the description of it, you know what it sounds like it is? Bacon fat or bacon grease. Like the kind that you can scrape out of the pan after you make bacon.
There. Do that instead of buying the spread, and I just saved you more than 20 bucks.
You’re welcome.
Fake Animal Heads
Yes, folks, if you didn’t think that the old real ones from hunting trips gone by were creepy enough, you can now purchase “faux” (um, which is French for “fake”) animal heads that you can hang on your wall.
Yep. I just can’t add any more to this…
Pen for Your iPad
Yes, friends, they’ve made a pen so that you can write on your iPad. I’m totally serious.
You know what else you can get? Something that makes your iPad screen look like yellow-lined paper. Then, you can take your special pen, which costs nearly $200, and write on it.
You know what’s cheaper?
Go to your nearest dollar store. Go to the office supply aisle. Buy a pad of paper and a pen. Cost? A little over $2.
I just saved you a ton of cash. Again, you’re welcome.
Sugar Free Cotton Candy Maker
The first summer job I had was working at the Six Flags Power Plant in downtown Baltimore. You know what part of my job was? I learned how to make cotton candy.
Do you know what cotton candy is made of?
Sugar. Colored sugar.
I rest my case.
Savings this time? $50. For something that can’t exist.
Helicopter-like Thingy that Drops Balls
For the rich kids in the world, they’ve invented a flying helicopter-like thingy that they can control with their iPhones. You put a tennis ball in it, and then fly it around the house until you want to have it drop the tennis ball on someone, something, or the family pet.
What happened to the days of playing simple games like “spoons”? Or, if you really want to attack your sibling, simply shooting rubber bands at him or her?
It all results in the same thing: someone yelling, “Mom! He’s dropping tennis balls/shooting rubber bands at me!”
I just saved you 100 smackeroos.
Adult Trike
While it may be called a big-wheeled tricycle, you want to know what this really is? It’s a lot like the classic “Big Wheel” that many of us rode as kids. But it’s big so that adults can use it.
And unlike all the other gifts on this year’s list, I would buy this one in a heartbeat. Sure, it’s nearly $1,000, but can you really put a price on fun?
Merry Christmas!
Michele Wojciechowski, when she doesn’t have visions of adult-sized Big Wheels dancing through her head, writes Wojo’s World® from Baltimore.