Ah, holiday shopping. While fun for some, for others it’s the bane of their existence.
I fall somewhere in between. If I’m shopping early, it’s fun. If it’s late, and I’m rushing like a dog that’s got the “zoomies,” it’s not fun.
In fact, I’d rather just have the zoomies and run around my house nonstop for 10 minutes for no particular reason at all.
This year, like many people, I’ll be doing all of my shopping online because of the pandemic. I’ve never done all of my shopping online before, and I’ve discovered something: if you buy an item, I guess because of the cookies that sites place on your computer or how they keep track of what you buy, many businesses will give you ideas of what else you might like based on what you’ve bought.
Sometimes they’re right on target. If I’ve bought a LEGO set for someone, sure, I might want to buy another one. This makes sense.
But I looked—just looked, mind you—on a site that gives you deals for many businesses. After checking out a deal on an escape room that you do from home, here are the other deals they thought I might like:
Laser Toe-Fungus Removal. I’ve heard of laser tag, and that would be fun. If I could play laser tag from home, even better. But I didn’t look at anything for my feet. Or Toe. Or Toe-Fungus.
Trampoline Park Activities. I’ll give it to them that this is another activity. But I’m deducting marketing points because it’s one that I would have to go somewhere to do—outside of my home—and I’m not going there. And let’s face it: an escape is for nerdy people like me who would rather use their minds than bounce through the air with a bunch of strangers.
Liposuction Treatments. All I can say about this match is that it sucks.
Duct Cleaning. I guess, if you want to stretch it a bit, in many mysteries, people crawl through duct work in an attempt to escape, and they’re always clean. Um, the ducts, not necessarily the people.
Bird Guard. I don’t have any birds, so why would I need someone to guard them? Oh wait. That’s what that is? I don’t need those either.
Recently, I bought a pair of boots for a friend’s daughter (don’t worry, she won’t be reading this), and this is what the company thought I’d also love:
Mascara. Yes, because every time I buy boots for a young kid, what I’m really thinking about is if I need to be replenishing my makeup.
A Food Container Set. Um, perhaps they thought once she puts the boots on, we would make dinner, and therefore, need something to store the leftovers in.
A Video Doorbell. Perhaps I’m going out on a limb here, but maybe they’re thinking her Mom needs one to see the person who will be delivering the aforementioned boots. Guess they’d suggest I use “expedited” service.
Bathroom Perfume. This is stuff that you spray into the toilet before you go number 2. They suggested a holiday scent.
Because nothing says “it’s the holidays” like pine-scented poo.
Michele “Wojo” Wojciechowski, when she’s not wondering what on earth is going on in the advertising and marketing departments of many businesses right now, writes “Wojo’s World®” from Baltimore. She’s also the author of the award-winning book Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box. You can connect with Wojo on Facebook or on Twitter.
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