What’s That All A-Bot?

I am not a robot.

People who have met me in person can attest to this fact. Well, most of them can anyway.

In fact, the closest I’ve ever gotten to being a robot was during the ‘80s when I attempted to do the dance called “The Robot.” And it was not pretty. Take my word for it.

Yet recently, a social media site, we’ll call it BookFace, decided that I was exactly that—a robot.

It all started on my birthday. One of the fun things about BookFace is that on your birthday, all the folks who are your “friends” (some of whom you’ve never met and never will and you find yourself asking your husband, “Who in the heck is Frieda Blutbut? Do you know her? Why am I friends with her?” But I digress…) are told that it’s your birthday. And a lot of them choose to send you greetings, salutations, and even funny YouTube clips.

It’s really cool. And this part of my story is happy. Lots of folks wished me a Happy Birthday.

A whole lot.

So many that I would have spent a week’s worth of grocery money to send them all thank-you cards if I still had to respond by snail mail.

That’s all good news, right? Well, then came my choice to respond.

My Mom raised me to send thank-you notes. I still send them. So I decided that I would simply thank each person who wished me a wonderful day of entering the world.

Before I get into what exactly happened with BookFace, I need to tell you one other vital piece of information that you may not know about me—I type really, really fast. Which is hilarious, in a way, because in high school, one of the only classes that I had gotten C’s in was, you guessed it, typing class.

Yes, people, they did, at one time, teach typing. They also taught cursive. This was about the time that we were all taking classes in “How to make fire” as well.

Again, I digress…

So I’m a fast typist. I have alerts set up so that BookFace will send me an email when someone comments on something. It also would allow me to then respond from my email to the aforementioned comment.

On this most excellent day of the celebration of my birth, I figured, “Hey—I type fast. I can do this from my email and quickly type a thank-you to each person who sent me good wishes.”

It would certainly be good Karma, and it would keep my late Mom from haunting me from the grave. I could just imagine it, I’m asleep one night, and I would wake up to see my Mom standing next to my bed shaking her fist and saying, “You didn’t send thank-you notes!” Because if my Mom, who was my best friend, could come back, that’s what she’d waste her time doing—chastising me for my lack of thanks.

Are you still with me? Good!

I began thanking people. I was typing so fast that if sparks could have flown out of my keyboard, they would have. I was thanking so many people, and I felt great.

Then, BookFace stepped in.

I actually received a message saying that I was being blocked from responding to people because I was responding to too many, too fast.

Um, let’s think about this for a minute.

I was “bad” in their eyes because I was typing too fast so that I could THANK people.

I didn’t understand what was going on. My friend said, “Oh, it thinks you’re a BOT.”

A What?

BookFace thought that I was a “BOT.” Basically, a robot that automatically responds to things or sends out spam or does other dastardly things to people online.

Great. I’m Wojo Bot. Robot of Thankfulness, Love, and Fast Typing Fingers.

So if you ever send me a compliment or other kind words, if I don’t respond, please understand.

In the meantime, I’ll be hanging out with my new friends: R2-D2, C3PO, WALL-E, Rosie from “The Jetsons,” Bender from “Futurama”, and Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot from “Mystery Science Theater 3000.”

Have. A. Nice. Day.

Michele Wojciechowski, when she’s not still trying to master The Robot dance (just give it up, please), writes “Wojo’s World®” from Baltimore.