I never thought I’d be this way. At least not until I retired.
But let’s face it—writers never really retire. They tend to drop dead at their desks.
I’d actually like to go in my sleep. So perhaps I’ll fall asleep on my desk—and then drop dead.
Though I don’t want that to happen for a long, long time.
But I digress…
We’ve been quarantined for more than six months now. My husband has been working from home, and I’ve been working in my regular home office. It’s worked out well. Except for one thing. Here’s a conversation we had a couple of months ago:
Me: Did you put the recycle out?
Him: No.
Me: Do you want me to take it out?
Him: No.
Me: Um, why?
Him: Because it’s Tuesday, not Wednesday.
Oh…My…God…
It finally happened to me. I had no idea what day of the week it was.
For many years after my Mom passed away, my stepdad lived with us. He would often mistake what day of the week it was. We joked with him. “Hey, Mr. Retired. Must be nice to not have to keep track of what day it is.” He would laugh like crazy.
My husband and I have now become my late stepdad.
I had hoped the aforementioned conversation would be a one-time thing. But no. It’s happened to me many times.
Before I began forgetting what day of the week it was, my husband starting doing it. I made fun of him.
Then Karma kicked in.
I should have known better. Early on in our relationship, he had to get a night guard to wear to bed because he was grinding his teeth. I joked about it.
I would sing “The Boxer” when we went to bed. I had a good chuckle.
Then I went to the dentist one day. And he said that I needed to wear a night guard.
Well, it wasn’t funny then…
When I turned 40 (I mean 20 because you know I’m only in my 30’s now…), I went to the eye doctor for my annual appointment. He asked if my vision had changed. “I caught myself holding a menu out to here to read it,” I said as I gestured about a foot away from me.
“That happens to everyone,” my eye doc said. “You hit 40, and there’s a huge drop-off in vision. It’s normal.”
My husband is a few months younger than I. So he thought this was hilarious.
“You’ve got to get reading glasses with your contacts,” he said while giggling. “But I can still see fine!”
“Yuck it up, Mister,” was my retort. “You’ll have it happen to you too!”
It did, but a couple of years later. He was not amused.
The two of us should have learned from our mistakes! Don’t tempt fate!
Yet here I was again, joking that my husband was now Mr. Retired, decades it will happen.
Then it happened to me.
I look at my calendar every day. But I still get it wrong sometimes.
I’m tired of being stuck in the house. I’m tired of the quarantine. I’m tired of not knowing what day of the week it is.fate
I think I’ll put my head down on my desk and take a nap.
Uh, nope. Not going to tempt fate that way either.
Michele “Wojo” Wojciechowski, when she’s not asking herself, “Is it Wednesday? Or is it Thursday?” writes “Wojo’s World®” from Baltimore. She’s also the author of the award-winning book Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box. You can connect with Wojo on Facebook or on Twitter.
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