I consider myself a positive person overall. I work at it sometimes, but I like living life with the glass half full.
That said, one of the reasons I love living in Maryland is because we get all four seasons—winter, spring, summer, and fall. Really. I love them. I can’t imagine living somewhere and have it been 90 degrees in the winter.
Um, until now.
I’m complaining so much about the Polar Vortex that I’m even getting on my own nerves. It’s so dang cold. I can’t stand it.
Normally, I really do enjoy the winter. But now there are just too many different things I have to do. For example, when I go outside, I can’t just put a heavy coat on.
Oh no…not anymore.
I have to dress in layers upon layers, and when there’s snow, I have to put my boots on. Top that off with a scarf that I usually can’t find and gloves, and I’m ready to go.
And I look like the little brother in the movie “A Christmas Story.” Remember when the mom bundled him up, and his arms stuck straight out at his sides?
Yep. That’s exactly what I feel like.
That, or the Michelin Man.
The point is that I grew up in Baltimore, so I’m used to winter weather that’s all over the place. You know the saying—if you don’t like the weather in Baltimore, wait five minutes, and it will change.
Where are the crazy winter days when it gets so warm that some people—usually college kids—start wearing shorts outside?
That’s the kind of winter we’re used to—blizzard one week, then enough warming the next so that everything starts to melt, some people get floods, and there’s something else to complain about.
I’ve also noticed that our garage has become not only a place where we put our cars. Now, it also serves as a giant refrigerator. We have an old fridge that we put water, sodas, and other drinks in. Since this whole Polar Vortex thing started, the drinks that are outside the refrigerator are colder than the ones inside it.
That’s just wrong.
People are also finding the need to swarm the supermarkets, even when the forecasters are only calling for cold, not snow.
C’mon folks—it’s bad enough that we run there when we hear about snow and buy bread, milk, eggs, and toilet paper (I have never understood this—what are we planning to do? Make French toast, then get sick from it, and spend the week in the bathroom?). But now you’re doing it when it’s just going to be cold.
I know; I know. It’s really cold. But French toast isn’t going to fix that.
If you were running to get space heaters and fire wood, I would understand. But unless you set it on fire—and let’s face it, it would burn up quickly—toilet paper isn’t going to provide any kind of heat.
And now they’re naming all the winter storms that happen during this Polar Vortex. First, why are they calling it a Polar Vortex? I’m sure it’s gotten this cold before. You know what we called it then?
COLD!!!
Now each winter storm has a name. The only thing good about this is that one day they might come up with one called Michele, which would make up for all those days I sat in front of the TV watching “Romper Room” only to be disappointed by Miss Nancy every single time.
But I digress…
If we’re naming winter storms, what’s next? Naming rain storms? Having fog in the morning become a “fog event”?
Weather is not an event, people. An “event” is someplace fun where I can buy fried dough and play carnival games. Or hang out with friends.
An event is not when it’s raining.
Or snowing.
Or just being cold…
I know what’s going to happen in a few months. We’re going to complain about spring because our allergies are acting up. Or summer because instead of being 9 degrees, it’s now 9,000 degrees. Or fall because of the leaves and mud and the fact that it’s not summer anymore.
All of this has me just shocked!
Wait. Never mind. That was just me walking across the carpet and then touching my keyboard.
Michele Wojciechowski, when she’s not still complaining about how dang cold it is, writes Wojo’s World® from Baltimore.