Friends have told me for years that they think weird stuff happens to me just so I have material for my column.
I usually protest and say, “No. It’s just that I pay more attention to the absurd things in life than you do.”
But after this past weekend, I have to wonder if they’re right.
It started as a normal weekend. My husband and I had spent some time celebrating my recent birthday. We sat down to eat some delicious pizza for lunch while we were watching an episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
I had taken a couple of bites with no problem. I’ve been eating for many years without incident. I was enjoying the pizza; like I said, it was delicious.
On the third bite, though, something weird happened.
I took a bite, and one of my front teeth came out.
You read that right—one of my front teeth.
Before you think, “Wow! Wojo must really take horrible care of her teeth!” let me explain.
When I was 14 years old, that front tooth was giving me a fit. If I drank something cold, I got this piercing sensation in it. If I bit into something hot, the same kind of sensation happened. It felt like I imagine being tasered would.
(Thank goodness I’ve never been tasered, nor do I ever want to be.)
A trip to the dentist was in order.
My dentist took x-rays, and I being the consummate smarty pants even back then quipped, “What’s it gonna be, doc? A root canal?”
He said, “Yes.”
I don’t even think that he had finished pronouncing the “s” in “yes” before I started to freak out.
I lived through that root canal and, unfortunately, many others. Because I had it done so young, the tooth discolored when I was an adult, and I chose to get my front teeth capped.
Fast forward to this past weekend.
So when I say that my front tooth came out, you’d think that the cap popped off. You would be right…sorta.
The cap came off, bringing with it a good part of the discolored stub of a tooth that remained in my head. Not only had my cap come off, leaving me with a gap in the front of my mouth, but it also left behind a nice, dark, jagged, piece of—I don’t even know what I would call it—tooth pulp?
As we all do when something happens in our mouths, I stuck my tongue up in the space. I felt the jagged edge. I began to freak out again.
I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. What started back at me was an extra from “Hee Haw.”
I began to hyperventilate and then I called my dentist.
You may remember that I wrote about my fabulous new dentist last fall. He has an emergency line. I was transferred to it. I got his voicemail.
I freaked out a little more. My mind, which had been relatively quiet and was probably still more focused on the pizza I was no longer eating, decided to get into the game.
“What if he’s on vacation? What if he doesn’t call me back? What if I have to walk around like this for a few days…weeks…months? ARGH!!!”
Luckily, before I fully imploded, the phone rang. It was Super Dentist! He called!
I explained what happened. He asked if I could come in early the next day.
“Absolutely!” I replied.
I spent the rest of the weekend freaked out and not eating a lot. You don’t realize how much you use your front teeth to eat…until you don’t have one.
And you don’t realize how much you stick your tongue into an empty spot in your mouth until you have one. Or how big your other teeth feel with one missing.
When I told my friends on Facebook what happened, one posted, “Take a picture!”
Um, no. Not going to do that.
My husband said, “Look on the bright side—at least it’s not ‘corn on the cob season.’”
***To learn what happens next in Wojo’s tooth saga, tune in in two weeks for the exciting conclusion. Same bat time, same bat channel.
Michele Wojciechowski, when she’s not trying to figure out what she can eat and how to eat it, writes “Wojo’s World®” from her home office. Need more Wojo? Sign up to get her FREE twice-a-month email newsletter. It’s full of fun comedy facts, quotes, and videos, and, of course, more Wojo. Email Wojo@WojosWorld.com to join the fun!