In our society, the dawning of the New Year gives us a clean slate. And after the hell known as 2020, boy, do we need one. We can begin fresh.
It’s also the time when many of us make resolutions that have bitten the dust by February 1, but that’s besides the point.
I’ve decided that in 2021, I’m going to do a lot of things that I’ve never done before. Why? Because in 2020, I already have.
If you had told me in 2019 that I would have gone through most of 2020 staying in my home, not seeing friends, and not going out to dinner, I would have thought you had lost it. There’s no way I could do all that.
But it’s amazing what a pandemic can do to a person.
I’m listing the things I want to do because I figure that if I put them down on paper and people actually read them, then I’m stuck having to accomplish at least one.
See, I’ve already accomplished something–not putting pressure on myself.
In 2021, I would like to throw something in a wood chipper just to see the stuff spew out.
Why? It looks cool.
Unless it’s in the movie Fargo. I saw the wood chipper coming and looked away pretty quickly.
Putting wood in a chipper, though, that would be fun.
I know that some of you may have to do this as a chore and probably think I’m nuts. But I was born a city girl, and the closest thing that I got to farm/yard work was to pull weeds out of the cracks in the sidewalk.
Next thing on my to-do 2021 list: I would like to be an extra in a movie or television show. When Homicide: Life on the Streets was filmed in Baltimore, a friend of my mom’s got to play a dead body. I thought that was so cool. Until, that is, I found out it was in a scene where it was raining, and he kept getting water up his nose, but couldn’t do much about it because he was supposed to be dead.
And I’m sure that a corpse sitting up to blow water out of his nose would likely kill the scene.
So as long as it’s not in the rain, I’d even play a dead body. Any casting people reading this, keep me in mind.
In 2021, I would like to get published in The New Yorker.
Hey — what’s all that laughter for? You all better cut it out.
I mean it.
It could happen.
People get struck by lightning every day, and that’s something that seems pretty rare. In fact, I actually know two people who have been struck by lightning twice. If that can happen, then I definitely have a shot of getting into The New Yorker.
I could, too!
In 2021, I would like to be able to do a cartwheel.
Yes, I know I’m not a kid anymore; you don’t need to remind me.
But I could never do one as a kid. I took gymnastics for a year in middle school, and while I could do a round off, I never quite mastered the cartwheel. But I could practice a lot. So it’s possible.
IT IS SO! Man, you all are negative-nellies.
I’d like to go fishing again, which I haven’t done in years.
I want to lie down in the grass on a sunny day and not be freaking out the whole time that either bugs are crawling on me or that I’m about to be stung by a wasp.
Also in 2021, I also want to win the lottery–for millions. As long as the pandemic is over, I’d like to go fishing somewhere nice, with someone who could take the catfish off the line (I’m afraid of getting stung) or bluefish (they’ve got teeth!) or an eel (which would tie up my line and ruin everything).
And this stuff isn’t cheap.
When I win the lottery, then I could buy a wood chipper. I could even hire someone to bring me the wood and then clean up the mess.
Hey, what can I say? I’m a simple gal with simple New Year’s needs.
And a year from now, I’ll be doing cartwheels after fishing then throwing stuff in a wood chipper and writing about it in The New Yorker.
It could happen. Yes, it could…
Michele “Wojo” Wojciechowski, when she’s dreaming of doing things in 2021–which will be a much better year because it has to be–writes “Wojo’s World®” from Baltimore. She’s also the author of the award-winning book Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box. You can connect with Wojo on Facebook or on Twitter.
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