Every so often, I like to do one of these columns. It’s not going to be about a specific topic. But rather, things that have annoyed me, fascinated me, or just generally taken space up in my head.
I usually write all these thoughts down on tiny scraps of paper, and put them in a file folder for Wojo’s World. Some of these thoughts, while interesting, unfortunately don’t warrant an entire column written about them alone.
Ready? Here we go…
Why are models either so happy all the time or they look like they’re just smelled something disgusting? (I’m guessing this is the “sexy look”?) What are they happy about? Are their watches really that wonderful?
And why are they often looking off into the distance and pointing at something—sometimes when there aren’t any other models around? Do they realize that no one else is near them? Do they care?
Or are they just showing off their aforementioned watches?
What about the underwear ads? You usually see women by themselves. But guys? Guys are often standing around in groups of three—in their underwear—laughing at something.
I asked my husband and our neighbor about this. They’re both guys. Here’s the verdict: guys only do this in ads. Not in the locker room at school. Not at the locker room at the gym. And certainly not at the locker room in a country club.
Fun fact: I read that you are twice as likely to be killed by a vending machine than by a shark.
A VENDING MACHINE.
So here’s what I want to know: how come I read quite a number of stories each year about shark attacks, but not a one about a vending machine falling over and killing someone.
I did what I always do when I’m befuddled these days. I Googled it. What I found was astonishing…
Rather than actual stories of someone getting taken out by vending machine, I found tons of stories asking if this fact was true. According to various studies, anywhere from four to 13 people are killed by vending machines each year.
That brings me to these questions—if this is true, why are there no Vending Machine Weeks on the Discovery Channel, and why hasn’t anyone made the campy film Vendingnado?
It makes me wonder…
Another fun fact: Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.
I ate a banana this morning. Does that make me a cannibal? Did I just potentially ingest part of a relative? Is that why Bananas in Pajamas became a thing? Seriously?
Will I ever be able to eat bananas again?
(That last one I already know the answer to—a resounding Yes! I like them too much!)
Final fun fact of this column: The probability of anyone drinking a glass of water that contains a molecule of water that has also actually passed through a dinosaur—a freaking dinosaur!—is 100%.
Not 50% like our friend, the banana.
Nope. 100%.
Considering how much I love dinosaurs and fossils and such, I just can’t decide if I’m thrilled or totally disgusted.
I’m going to go with thrilled. Primarily because I drink a ton of water all the time and don’t want to stop.
I mean, it’s been filtered and all. So it’s not like I’ll be drinking a glass of water and spit out a tiny dinosaur tooth.
Gag…sputter…spit…
Okay. We’ve moving on…
My last thought for this column: when your printer begins to run low on ink, do you do what I do? I call it The Ink Dance. When the laser ink runs low in my printer, an annoying light goes on on the top of it.
I used to freak out and immediately run to my local office supply store and spend a ton of money on a new one.
Now, though, I don’t change it right away. I usually would order one within a week or two, but now I don’t even do that.
Why? You may be asking yourself. Because that light is a liar.
Here’s what you do: you take the ink cartridge out. And then you begin to shake it around. Really get into it. Move that body! You’re probably burning at least a couple of calories.
Even better, though? You’re extending the life of your ink cartridge.
ALL DUE TO THE POWER OF THE INK DANCE!
Last time, I did The Ink Dance, I bought a backup cartridge about a month later. Every so often, I would do this dance. And you know what?
It took nearly a year—an entire year of printing!!!—for the cartridge to actually and finally run out.
And I print a lot…
Thanks for joining me in this week’s journey through my head. Your regular type of Wojo’s World column will return next week.
Unless, that is, I start thinking of a bunch of non-sequiturs again. Because it could happen…
Michele “Wojo” Wojciechowski, when she’s not scrawling notes down on little pieces of paper to get the thoughts out of her head, writes “Wojo’s World®” from Baltimore. She’s also the author of the award-winning book Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box. You can connect with Wojo on Facebook or on Twitter.
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