THUNK!
That used to be the sound we would hear when the delivery man would plunk down two huge phone books on our front steps—the white pages and the yellow pages. We used them all the time.
As the internet has become so important in our daily lives, I haven’t used one of those phone books in years. So imagine my surprise when we got one.
Seriously. A phone book—the yellow pages—was delivered to our home.
The size has changed…a lot. I feel like a giant holding the book used by a bunch of tiny villagers. I could just imagine them now…
“Oh no! The giant has our book! Now she’ll know where we do all our shopping! No business will ever be safe again!”
This book seems relatively small compared with what it used to be like.
One version even used to be called The Big Yellow Book.
Now, not so much.
In fact, the book is so tiny that I find myself squinting to read the business names and addresses. Are they trying to blind us?
And it’s not due to the fact that once you turn 40, your vision goes down the toilet.
It’s not my eyes.
It is not!
At least that’s what I’m sticking with.
Do you remember when people used to rip a telephone book in half to show their strength?
I didn’t know anyone personally who did this, but I remember seeing it on television.
How would they show their strength now? Throw their cell phones? That would never happen. First of all, no one wants to have to pay for another cell phone. If you just drop them, they break. So throwing them would definitely demolish them.
I think even a baby could break a cell phone.
Speaking of little ones, I remember how families would use phone books to prop kids up who were too little to sit at the kitchen table. They pile them up on a chair, then sit the kid on top.
What would we use now? Certainly can’t pile up a bunch of cell phones. They’d fall all over the place before you even got the kid on them.
And I already covered how easily they break.
I guess people could use volumes of the encyclopedia to do the trick.
Oh, wait…
Or there’s the dictionary.
Oh, dang it.
Well exactly what are we supposed to use now? Our computers?
We would use telephone books for lots of uses other than just to look up numbers because we were resourceful. A friend told me that he knew someone who would use them to prop up a couch when a leg had broken off it.
Little old ladies would put them on their car seats so that they could see above the dashboard.
Let’s not forget the old police TV shows when a suspect wouldn’t “give up the goods.” A cop would threaten him with a phone book.
As a kid, I had no idea what this meant. As an adult, I realized that the phone book was something that cops would hit people with. As legend has it, it wouldn’t leave a mark.
I can’t imagine that. Those books were huge. If I got smacked in the head or on the side of the face, I’m sure it would leave a mark.
Except, though, I’ll bet that this new one wouldn’t. You could hit someone with this, and they probably wouldn’t even feel it. Oh, was that a gnat that just hit me?
Why are there no big phone books anymore? As I said, the internet and smart phones have replaced all of that. If we want a number, we can type in a search and find it in an instant.
As I swipe my finger across my phone screen, I realized that it’s finally happened: my fingers are doing the walking.
Just not the way I thought…
Michele Wojciechowski, when she’s not looking up someone’s number in her Rolodex (remember those?!), writes “Wojo’s World®” from her home office.
Want to hear more about the World of Wojo in between columns? Sign up for her twice-monthly newsletter by emailing her at Wojo@WojosWorld.com. It’s full of laughs!