My husband and I were talking recently about the weird things that people name their kids. It’s usually celebrities, and they have named their children names that make most folks wince.
Like Apple. Or North. Or Moxie Crimefighter (I swear that I didn’t make this up—this is the name of magician Penn Jillette’s daughter).
So that got me to thinking: I wonder if folks name their dogs weird names too.
What I discovered is that yes, yes they do.
When I was growing up, there were a lot of “typical” dog names: Lady, Duke, King, Queen, Ginger, Duchess, Rascal, Daisy, Peanut, and even Snoopy.
But just as kids’ names have changed from easy ones like “Mike” and “Sally” to things that are practically unpronounceable, so have names for the canine set.
Don’t get me wrong—I grew up with one dog, and for a time, we had another. My mom wanted to name her. She called the new dog “Nomo,” which stood for “No mo’ pets.” That’s because besides the two dogs, I had fish, hermit crabs, and guinea pigs.
Yeah, it was a little nuts.
Back to these crazy dog names. Some are funny, but not so bad. Like “Sir Ian the Pug” and even “Baby Ernie.” But one called “Baby Vegas”? Seriously?
I began to take notes as I paged through the adoption sites. I found that you can often organize these strange names into categories. And you can learn a lot about people by what they name their pets. It’s not all pretty.
Some folks like to name their dogs after celebrities. During my perusal, I found Vanna White, Denzel, Zsa Zsa, Beyonce, Crystal Gayle, Blanche Devereaux, and even a Monty Hall.
What this tells me is that folks who watched a lot of TV in the ‘70s, ‘80s and ‘90s need to start keeping their pets and not putting them up for adoption. Seems like folks watching The Golden Girls, Wheel of Fortune, and old episodes of Let’s Make a Deal seem to have named their pets while the tube was on.
It gets better, though. Stay with me here.
Quite a number of owners name their dogs after alcoholic beverages. I read about a Vodka, a Jack Daniels, and even a more general one named Brewski.
Can you imagine if one of these got loose, and a police officer came up to the people looking for the dog?
Police officer: What are you folks doing out here on the side of the road? Isn’t it a little late for hiking?
Person: It’s okay, officer. We were just looking for Jack Daniels…
I’m guessing that wouldn’t end well.
Some people name their dogs after, well, other people. I spotted a George, Vinnie, and an Agatha.
Imagine calling out another person’s name while looking for your dog at a crowded event.
Again, I don’t see that ending well.
A few names just defy categories. Like Swiffer, the dog. Or Bacon, the dog. And even Stinkweed, the dog.
As for the last two I’m sharing, I give them credit for creativity.
The first is Dog.
Perhaps, at first glance, that doesn’t seem creative to you. But it’s not pronounced like it looks. It’s pronounced dee-O-gee.
Kind of like how you say you’re going to Target, but pronounce it Tar-Jay.
And the final one? Hooshee, the dog. Pronounced “Who’s She?” This came about because when people would come and visit the dog as a puppy, they would say, “Who’s She?” The name stuck.
As for us, we stuck with the names our adopted pups came with.
And because they like their privacy, I’m not sharing them.
But trust me, it’s not Doggie Crimefighter.
Michele “Wojo” Wojciechowski, when she’s not calling her dogs by many different nicknames that she and her husband have come up with, writes “Wojo’s World® from Baltimore. She’s also the author of the award-winning humor book Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box. You can connect with Wojo on Facebook or on Twitter.
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