Dear readers, I’m going to take you on a magical journey, one in which you will learn some of my innermost thoughts, hopes, and dreams…
Well, okay, that’s probably a bit of an overstatement. But I’m going to tell you about some things I would definitely do If I Ruled the World.
This all started one day that, unbeknownst to me, must have been national “Drive Like an Idiot Day.” One particular, ahem, driver was tailgating me. And I had no place to go.
Traffic was packed.
I was driving plenty fast enough to keep up with people (but not break the speed limit there, dear officer).
Yet, there he was riding about 6 inches from my bumper.
“I wish,” I thought, “that I could make this guy stop.”
And I could, If I Ruled the World.
Know that If I Ruled the World, I would first take care of all the basics for everyone: food, clothing, housing, jobs. There. Done.
Now, we’ll move on to the things I would do after everyone was taken care of…
I would make everyone drive like smart, courteous people—not like they are driving in a NASCAR race.
And if certain folks insisted on continuing to drive like maniacs, they would have some choices (I’m not a crazed, heartless dictator, you know).
They could:
Stop doing it.
Get therapy to figure out why they feel the need to drive as though their bumpers were magnetized and pulling them closer to the cars in front of them.
Or get a bus card and learn to use it.
There. Done.
If I Ruled the World, we would be able to eat all the chocolate and bread that we wanted and not gain a single pound.
Not. One. Pound.
Don’t get me wrong—we’d still have to eat well overall. I don’t want to give everyone a pass and eat fried, fatty, creamy, delicious…
What was I saying?
Oh yeah, eating well. Like I said, I’m a fair Ruler, so I wouldn’t want all the vegetable farmers to go out of business. So, we’d still have to eat things like broccoli and corn and carrots.
But you could also pick one food item—either a favorite dish or snack or drink—and you would be able to have it as much as you wanted without gaining weight. Just one thing, though. I mean, let’s not get crazy…
If I Ruled the World, all ladies bathrooms would have five times the number of stalls that they do now. And if there were ever a line to begin to form at the Ladies Room, other stalls would magically appear. Then, they would disappear when they were no longer needed.
You know why I choose to do this? Because if I’m at a play or a movie or a ballgame, and I need to go to the bathroom, I need to plan it out. I need to hop up immediately after the lights go down and make my way up the aisle in the dark. Otherwise, I stand behind about 7 kabillion women (yes, 7 kabillion!) and wait…
And wait.
And wait.
Then I get back to the play or movie or ballgame and have to ask my husband what I missed.
I’m tired of missing things.
My husband? He can get up and go whenever he wants to.
No line.
No wait.
No problem.
That is so unfair…
You know what else I would do, If I Ruled the World?
There would be mandatory naps in the afternoon—for everyone, not just kids. I think if we all took a few minutes to get some rest, life would be much better.
We’d be happier.
We’d be nicer to one another.
And we’d stop driving on each other’s bumpers…
Michele Wojciechowski, when she’s not thinking about other things she would do If She Ruled the World [and they would include month-long vacations, ice cream, and rock concerts], writes Wojo’s World® from Baltimore.