My husband and I love to play games. While we like everything from Taboo to Monopoly to Scattergories, there’s one game that we play all fall long.
We call it “What’s the Thermostat set on?”
We’ve been playing this game since we first got married. As the years have passed, the game is just as annoying as it was 25 years ago. But this year, there’s an added bonus—we’re under quarantine, and my husband is working from home.
Here’s how it works: First you start with Baltimore weather. For those of you not from these parts, when the seasons are changing, the temperature can be in the 80s one day and the 50s the next.
One day you wear shorts, the next day a parka.
So you can imagine how this game goes.
One day, we have the air conditioning on.
The next day, the heat.
Every year, my husband wants the heat on earlier than I do. Here’s where the fun begins.
There comes a day when I get cold, but I won’t turn the heat on. It’s not because I’m cheap. My husband asks me if I’m not worried about spending money on the heat, why don’t I just put it on?
Good question! Ding, ding, ding, ding…Now for the answer.
It’s because of the principle of the thing.
I just don’t want to have the heat on early. When the temperature goes back and forth like that, I go nuts.
I want to put the summer clothes away, but I can’t. Why? Because it could be 90 degrees tomorrow.
I usually know when it’s finally time to put the heat on–the joints in my hands get stiff, and it makes it annoying for me when I type. As soon as I turn the heat on–like magic!– they feel better.
My joints weren’t hurting yet.
Recently, my husband came up to my home office during the day.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “You sound funny.”
“I’m cold,” I mumbled.
“What?” he asked.
“I’M COLD!!!” I screamed.
“Then just turn the heat on, will you?” he begged. “Of course, you’re cold. It’s cold out. Everyone’s cold. But most people have put the heat on by now!”
“Okay,” I said.
But I didn’t put the heat. First, I decided to cover up with blankets.
Then, I went downstairs and made some hot chocolate. That would warm me up.
It did…for about 10 minutes.
I went downstairs into our in-law suite, where my husband has been working for the last six months.
It felt strangely toasty.
“Do you have the heat on in here?” I asked.
“Oh yeah,” he said. “I was chilly.”
ARGH! The game was over! He had turned the heat on! I didn’t even get a say!
“Yeah, but you beat me again,” my husband said. “We still haven’t turned the heat on in the house.”
I came back upstairs to my office. I was freezing. But I don’t want to put the heat on because the forecast is calling temperatures in the upper 70s for the rest of the week. I’ll probably end up with the air conditioning back on.
I’ll continue to shoot my husband icy glares. And staying hot under the collar—even though, I once again won our game—will have to do for now.
Michele “Wojo” Wojciechowski, who is still trying not to turn the heat on (at least not until some family members get icicles on their eyebrows), writes “Wojo’s World®” from Baltimore. She’s also the author of the award-winning book Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box.
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