There are two radio stations in central New York State that have begun playing Christmas music…
Um, you do remember that it’s only October, right?
In fact, it’s hot right now. “Indian Summer,” as we used to call it when I was a kid, has shown up, and we actually had to put the air conditioning back on.
And they are playing Christmas music.
Excuse me for a second. I just need a moment.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
It’s bad enough that certain stores have been putting out Christmas items since August (Yeah, I’ve seen you, you crazy companies. And unless you’re giving the stuff away for free, I could not stomach buying anything Christmas related before Labor Day!).
I’ve walked down the aisles. I’ve seen the decorations. I’ve seen the lights.
And you haven’t broken me, you premature Christmas folk. Nope. I’m standing strong. I’m not buying it…literally.
But this whole playing music thing, it just bugs me. Why?
Because it brings me to one conclusion: IF THEY’RE STARTING CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER, HOW COME I STILL CAN’T GET EVERYTHING DONE?
Because I know that I won’t. I could start right now, and I still won’t.
We’ve put way-too-much pressure on ourselves in what this holiday is supposed to be about.
And it’s not about lasting nearly three months long.
My friend, Amy, captured it best when she wrote, “Winter is a season. Christmas is a day.”
Make it stop!!!
When Christmas starts this early, you know what is going to happen? We’re going to get sick of it really fast.
It reminds me of when someone nags you about something. Nag, nag, nag, nag…
You know what happens then?
Right—you don’t want to do it.
Suppose, for example, we celebrated Halloween from March through October. It would lose quite a bit of its fun.
Someone would jump out with a mask on yelling, “Boo!” and my response would be, “Yeah, whatever. It’s still May.”
We haven’t even begun raking leaves yet, for crying out loud! They really expect me to break my vacuum this early by sucking up the needles from the Christmas tree?
If you put your tree up now, it will be dead by the beginning of November.
Wait a minute. I think I may have something here.
Could it be, dear readers, that this “starting Christmas early” thing is all part of the underground Christmas Tree Syndicate?
Hear me out on this. Think about it. One of two things would happen: either the businesses that sell live trees would triple their sales, and, hence their profits. Or we would all have to purchase artificial ones. So the Artificial Christmas Tree Syndicate is in on it too.
Since they’re playing Christmas music, all the artists who recorded Christmas songs are now making tons more in royalties—two more months of royalties, to be exact.
What else am I supposed to be doing now? Baking? I’d have to freeze everything. And isn’t part of the fun of Christmastime smelling cookies while they’re baking?
Writing cards? Well, um, this is the only thing that might work—if I start now, I may get Christmas cards written and mailed before it’s the actual day. I never seem to get the time to do this one.
But back to why it’s really *not a good idea: You know who else could be in on this conspiracy? The Diet Industry and Health Clubs.
Why? Because if we start baking now, everyone will eat the stuff now. In no time, folks will be munching their way through tons and tons of goodies: cookies, cakes, candies, pies, and other assorted delectable confections.
Instead of putting weight on only in December, everyone will have two extra months.
They’ll be even bigger than usual.
Their clothes won’t fit.
Oh no! Now the Clothing Industry is in on it.
I’ve officially overwhelmed myself with these conspiracy theories. I’m going to go lie down now and listen to some relaxing music.
And not of the Christmas variety.
Michele Wojciechowski, when she’s not thinking about what other businesses could be involved in the “Christmas Can Last All Year Long” conspiracy, writes Wojo’s World® from Baltimore.