Dear Mother Nature:
I know that usually by this time each year, I’ve already written to you many, many times complaining about the “s” word—snow.
So you may be surprised that this year I’m writing not to complain about the snow, but rather to, um, ask for some.
I know; I know. You’ve probably fainted dead away. For years, I would start out with a nice note to you, thanking you for the first snow of the season, talking about how it made everything look beautiful, blah, blah, blah…then I’d send about, oh, 20 or so other letters and emails telling you that if you didn’t get rid of the snow, everyone in Baltimore was going to go out of their minds.
I remember one year, I wrote and even sent photos of the 15-foot-high mound of black snow in the parking lot of a local strip mall. I was asking you if this was something that you would want to see when you had to go out to get Doritos.
I seem to remember that you then made it hail – but just over my house.
I got the message…
Anyway, as I was saying earlier, I am writing to humbly ask for some snow. Not a lot, mind you. We don’t need a big storm that leaves piles of the disgusting black stuff around. Nosireebob…But one nice, small storm would be just dandy.
Why in the world am I asking you for snow? Well, we really haven’t had any here this year. After the past few years of a few feet of snow in the winter, we just don’t know what to do with ourselves.
We haven’t gotten the chance to make snowmen or snowballs or snow forts. It was damp a couple of weeks ago, but I doubt the kids would get into making mudmen or throwing mudballs or making mud forts. When you think about, that’s really gross. If the parents weren’t complaining to you about that, then the rest of us would because it would make the outside world seem just a bit post-Apocalyptic.
And everything would be brown. Um, not a good look for you…
We haven’t rushed to the grocery stores at the mention of a few flakes, to stock up on bread, milk, eggs, toilet paper, and batteries. (Yeah, I don’t know why we do that either; after living through many blizzards, we know that we won’t starve. Yet, each time, we go back to stock the pantry – even if it’s already stocked before. Because you never know if you’re going to get a craving for some Hot Pockets and have to wait – gasp! –two days or so until the roads are clear.)
The kids haven’t been using snow days. Heck, they haven’t even gone in late. And you know that here in Baltimore, it’s gotten so that if there’s just the “threat” of ice or snow, we sometimes close or have the kids go in late. Yeah, I know; my friend who lives in Vermont laughs at this one too.
At this rate, they’ll be getting out of school on time…or even early at the end of the year. You know what that means, don’t you? They’ll be bored even earlier during the summer, and you’ll definitely get lots of hate mail from parents when you send those rainy summer days along. You wouldn’t want that, would you?
Now, you might be thinking that I can’t be pleased – first, I want less snow, now I want more. But I don’t want a ton. Just a little coating before the spring comes. Just so we can feel like we’ve had a winter here.
Do you know that I’ve seen teenagers in shorts in January? If I wanted to see folks wearing shorts in January, I’d live in Florida or California or Texas.
In Baltimore at this time of year, we should be bundled up, freezing, and complaining about it constantly.
It’s what we do…
In one last appeal to you, dearest Mother Nature, I ask for snow so that your wonderful plant children can know what the heck to do. Did you know that the plants are blooming already? Yup, and all of us with seasonal allergies can attest – THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO START UNTIL SPRING!!!
Oh, sorry for yelling there. I just lost it a bit.
But when we have allergies in spring, we can deal with it. You know why? Because everything looks pretty outside.
Right now, it’s too warm, stuff is too brown, all the little green that’s pushing its way out of the ground, while enough to kick in our allergies, is not going to keep growing.
Those poor plants are doomed, I tell ya. Doomed.
So, in conclusion, please send us some snow.
You can then make it melt all away in a day or two so that we don’t deal with black gunk. Oh, and then you can just bring spring right on. But without too much rain, okay?
I’ll be back in touch in June, with my usual complaints about how hot it is and how we’re all frying like hot dogs on the grill.
In the meantime, love to the hubby and kids.
Oh, and if you were thinking of holding off the snow until June just to mess with me, please don’t. After all, then what would I have to complain about?
Sincerely,
Wojo
Michele Wojciechowski, when she’s not running to the window to see if it has started to snow yet, writes Wojo’s World™ from her home office in Baltimore.