First Report from Joey “Babyface” Elfprano, The Elf on the Shelf assigned to watch Riley

I guess I spoke too soon.

This dog is a real piece of work. He looks all cute, but then he’s a real pain in my Elfin @ss.

Sorry. Santa told me no cursing when I write my accounts. But this dog…

Here’s what I’ve caught Riley doing in the last week: as you can see by the photographic evidence (and, trust me, I’m a guy who knows the importance of proving the guy or the dog is guilty is all about the evidence), Riley loves to get into different trash cans around this house. He either sticks his face right in or tips them over. He gets out tissues and anything else he can get thoselittlejaws around, and he shreds them all over the house.

And guess who has to clean it up? Give ya a hint: it ain’t Wojo…

Then, Riley goes over to his grandfather’s living room and takes a piece of candy off his coffee table. Before anyone cancatch him, he ran out of the room and chomped it down, foil and all. By tomorrow, he’ll be decorating the yard with his own Christmas colors.

One thing I’ve noticed about this dog—he will take his mom and dad’s shoes, but he doesn’t chew them up. Which I think is a miracle. Takes me back to my days at Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Those ladies there was always lookin’ for miracles.

Anyway, gettin’ back to this mutt…he takes the shoes and just carries them around. What’s the point of that? Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad he’s not chewing them up. But sometimes he brings them to his granddad as gifts or something.

He better not start bringing them to me. I know what I’d tell him: hey Riley, take the shoe. Leave the cannoli.

Check back here each day. Between now and Christmas, I’ve got a lot of reporting to do.

I remain,

“Doin’ what it takes to stay outta the clink” Joey